OLATHE, KS — In a shocking revelation, a self-proclaimed canine cult leader claims that he has the power to show dogs how to safely enjoy chocolate. Despite years of warnings from veterinarians and pet experts that chocolate is toxic to dogs, the 6-year-old Dogue de Bordeaux (mix) insists that he has the secret to allowing canines to indulge in this forbidden treat.

According to the cult leader, who has yet to be named, he has spent years studying the effects of chocolate on dogs and has developed a special training program to allow dogs to enjoy the sweet treat without any harm. However, experts are warning pet owners not to fall for this dangerous claim.

“It’s absurd to think that dogs can safely consume chocolate,” said Dr. Jane Smith, a veterinarian and expert on pet nutrition. “Chocolate contains theobromine, which can be deadly to dogs if ingested in large amounts. There is no safe level of consumption for dogs.”

Despite these warnings, the cult leader insists that his program is foolproof and claims to have already converted hundreds of dogs to his way of thinking. Here are some of the shocking claims made by the cult leader:

• Chocolate is not harmful to dogs if consumed in moderation
• Theobromine is actually good for dogs in small doses
• His training program involves meditation and mental preparation to build up a dog’s resistance to chocolate toxicity
• He has a team of “chocolate experts” who help dogs find the right type and amount of chocolate for their taste buds

Experts warn that this cult leader is putting dogs’ lives at risk and encourage pet owners to avoid his teachings at all costs.

“It’s important to remember that chocolate is a toxic substance for dogs, and no amount of training or mental preparation can change that fact,” Dr. Smith added. “If you suspect your dog has consumed chocolate, seek veterinary care immediately.”

It’s clear that this canine cult leader’s claims are dangerous and absurd. Dog owners are reminded to always prioritize their pets’ health and safety over any questionable claims made by self-proclaimed experts.